www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQsiLDAxud0

Lyrics²:

I see the sparkling little diamond on your hand
It’s plain to see that you’ve already got a man
I can see you’re not about to fall for any of my lines
I see the want to in your eyes
Deep in your smile there’s a quiet, soft desire
Like the embers of a once raging fire
You know I could light that fire again,
you know it isn’t wise
I see the want to in your eyes

Yes, it’s a 1974 song.  But there’s more than enough equally disturbing and wrong perceptions floating around in the accepted and every day. I am not providing further examples as this is not meant to be an in depth discussion. It’s more of a call to closely listen.

And before I will abruptly change the topic I have to highlight my absolute favourite of Andy Rehfeldt’s cover versions: His rendering of Louis Armstrong’s It’s a wonderful world.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFXP-eEVVXg

Which brings me to that part of the blog that is about summing up event’s in my life. As a memory, as a reminder, as, quite simply, a journal to look back to, eventually.³  Kyriaki committed suicide. Then, not long after, two of my friends had people close to them die, as well. I’ve been to Sweden — got to know and stayed with H. & M.⁴ — and participated in a writing retreat in Stockholm. My parents tried to reach Portugal’s Atlantic coast on bicycle from Germany, but had to abandon their journey more than 2000 km in, 10 km before reaching the Spanish border, when my father’s bicycle broke down. Damage that wasn’t possible to repair on the go. They took Spanish lessons for months, but are happy enough about the journey, despite not reaching Spain. P. moved out. M. moved in. I bought a chrysanthemum (yellow) and a begonia (red). M. and me rearranged the furniture in the lounge⁵.

I am trying to dig up background info to Kyriaki’s death. I know, through one of her friends, that she wanted me to have her bicycle. I am trying to retrieve that — as well as a George Perec’s L’espace d’espace and some writing samples I lent her. I’d planned to suggest a project combining Architecture and Writing, so L’espace d’espace was a sensible example. She’d introduced me to Bernard Tschumi’s The Manhattan Transcripts. I’ll miss our shared interest in the abstract and experimental arts — we explored the variety of exhibitions and installations that move through Liverpool so often.

My attempts to collect these things have all failed so far. The landlady never turns up at agreed upon dates and times. I am not too concerned that she will empty Kyriaki’s flat before I can retrieve them; I have lived in the same building for a while and know that she (the landlady) just is far enough on the disorganised side that “next week” often means “sometimes in the next few months”. Still — it’s unnerving. It’s painful sitting in front of that house, waiting.

I think I’ve spotted Kyriaki’s adopted cat vanishing into a boarded up house, once. She fed it, throwing cat food down from the kitchen window to the overgrown garden where this semi-wild cat often stayed during the day. The cat printed on the bag of the brand of cat food Kyriaki bought was a carbon copy of the cat she’d adopted.

I guess I will return to this topic in subsequent entries.

Chrysanthemum

Begonia

Planted Seedbomb

Planted Seedbomb

The Aquarium

Protect the Human

Rearranged Furniture

Rearranged Furniture

And finally — here’s the beginning of a post that’s been sitting in my draft’s for a long time. As I don’t remember what exactly the point was — I’ll just include it here:

People seem to like posting lists in their blogs. Lists of favourite books, films, movies, food, etc. I don’t really see the appeal — what’s a favourite and what not is changeable. If you’d ask for recommendations I’d give some, specific to what I know you like, something personalised. But to go with something that’s fashionable here is a list: The 115 last books (dvds / objects) I loaned out from university library. Tell me if that tells you anything meaningful.

1. Reporting and writing
2. Manufacturing consent
3. 9–11
4. Reporting for journalists
5. Practical newspaper reporting
6. Global journalism research
7. Essential reporting
8. The journalist’s handbook
9. News, gender and power
10. Associated Press guide to Internet research and reporting
11. Investigative journalism
12. Photography
13. News narratives and news framing
14. Intelligence in an insecure world
15. Rogue states: the use of force in world affairs
16. Broken flowers
17. Revengers tragedy
18. Alien
19. Environmental education
20. Outdoor education
21. The history of British birds
22. Atlas of the breeding birds of Lancashire and North Merseyside
23. Interdisciplinary teaching through outdoor education
24. Outdoors with young people: a leader’s guide to outdoor activities the environment and sustainability
25. The outdoor classroom
26. Mountaincraft and leadership
27. The mountaineering handbook
28. Fearing Sellafield
29. Politics: an introduction
30. Human rights and the environment
31. Chomsky
32. Britain’s nuclear waste
33. Nuclear power
34. NUCLEAR OR NOT ?
35. Management of nuclear waste
36. The human impact on the natural environment
37. Climate change 2001
38. Nuclear energy
39. Renewable energy
40. Global environmental issues: a climatological approach
41. Environmental philosophy
42. The international politics of nuclear waste
43. Adventure therapy
44. Therapy within adventure
45. Theory and practice of counselling & therapy
46. Counselling
47. Exploring islands of healing
48. Whose journeys?
49. Counselling skills and theory
50. The Dangers of Sustainable Development
51. An ozone-free zone?
52. Can capitalism go Green?
53. Who’s Afraid of Global Warming?
54. The competitive destination
55. Global tourism
56. Tourism in the Antarctic
57. Critical issues in tourism
58. Adventure tourism
59. Exploring the boundaries of adventure therapy
60. Tourism and the environment
61. Toproping
62. How to rock climb
63. How to rock climb
64. How to run a marathon
65. Co-operative inquiry
66. Advanced rock climbing
67. Tourism and development in mountain regions
68. Mountain environments
69. Wilderness therapy for women
70. Recreation ecology
71. Habitat conservation
72. Qualitative research interviewing
73. Grounded theory in practice
74. Countryside recreation site management
75. Reflexivity and voice
76. Headset (computer)
77. Introduction to counseling
78. Mountaincraft and leadership
79. EVERYDAY METEOROLOGY
80. Mountaineering
81. The mountain skills training handbook
82. Headset (computer)
83. Headset (computer)
84. Modern environmentalism
85. Teaching green
86. Contested natures
87. The environment in international relations
88. Gamesters’ handbook 3
89. Effective leadership in adventure programming
90. Creative games in groupwork
91. Becoming critical
92. Exploring the boundaries of adventure therapy
93. Experiential learning
94. Effective leadership in adventure programming
95. Social research methods
96. Eco-socialism
97. Environmental education
98. The Penguin dictionary of sociology
99. Ecological applications
100. Environmental sociology
101. Environment and politics
102. Qualitative data analysis
103. Using computers in qualitative research
104. Treatment effectiveness of wilderness adventure therapy
105. The end of nature
106. Woman and nature
107. What is nature?
108. You and the environment
109. Geography: an integrated approach
110. Glaciers and glaciations
111. Fundamentals of the physical environment
112. Glaciers and landscape
113. An introduction to physical geography and the environment.
114. Winter skills
115. Karst geomorphology and hydrology

1. Yes — this is all really only about pushing another youtube musician. With Rehfeldt it’s all about the arrangements and pretty much perfect audio/video synchronisation.
2. Original song & video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2aeRg_yMSE
3. I have re-designed my webpage, as you can see. I am not done with that, yet, but I have, in the process, imported all the posts from my two livejournal blogs. At the moment these are still private as I have to sift through them and decide what I am ok with sharing here in this far more public space. But there will be more entries here eventually. Keep checking the archives. The re-design will hopefully also inspire more frequent updates again.
4. I’ll answer your e-mail, soon. Promise!
5. Kyriaki helped me move in here, a year ago.

I discovered Pomplamoose Music first, and while I never really liked Michael Jackson’s music I really love this cover version of Beat It. Pomplamoose Music are multi instrumentalists Jack Conte and Nataly Dawn, who (see second video) collaborate as a pop/jazz band when not doing covers.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=meT2eqgDjiM

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oJgqbgvInk

Jack Conte and Nataly Dawn also produce music solo. Jack Conte (who, I guess, invented the VideoSong idea) is in the Radio Electro/Accoustic corner; Nataly Dawn more of a traditional singer/songwriter.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Reb5IwMHzoE

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFiBnd0zBFM

And then there’s Lauren O’Connell …

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLkWyuW2JTg

Do explore their channels (links above)!

1. There are videos here. If you read this through LiveJournal/Facebook these might not turn up. Please DO go to the webpage if you have even a passing interest in music and watch them there.

Contrast that to the experience of being a postman in Germany, which means management far removed from the actual workers and whose “staff training” consists of telling it’s delivery operative that they are nothing more than glorified advertising dispensers, a largely abusive public and having to meet strict averaged delivery times (1 second per letter, 3 seconds per package plus a blanket travelling time added). These are so tight that, in the depot that I worked at for a while, some of the older postmen physically didn’t manage. The rest of their family helped out, unpaid, unofficially, just so that their spouse/parent met the targets set. In Germany the family name of whoever occupies a house is displayed on the outside in addition to the house numbers. The expectation is that postmen must have memorized the first name of who lives where in their district, but also that they know/remember if some member of a family that used to live in a particular house has moved elsewhere. If you don’t remember, but post a letter, there will be complaints. Here in England houses only have numbers and there’s no indication who lives where; that alone makes the job so much more enjoyable. It is a good transitional job. Which is where I am. Stability. I am not quite sure where I’ll go next, yet.

Today is the last week I am on anti-depressants after a two-year period. Over the last three weeks I have stepped down dossage in agreement with my GP. I have graduated from my BsC in Outdoor and Environmental Education degree with a first (but will miss the graduation cermony as I am in Sweden at that time) and am half-way through my MA in Writing. The first feels like the biggest achievement among the three. I’d like something big to happen next, somehow.

What is the purpose of an online journal? I am not really sure. This one turned out to be a form of public diary. I don’t keep any note of the things I don’t want to share though, so these are all the (sporadic) notes on my life I do keep. Keeping a diary is, I guess, a lot about the implied promise of being able to turn back pages somewhere at a non-descript future moment in time looking back and rediscovering what one had forgotten. Excuse me while I sum up some recent and not so recent events. Right now Iceland is shutting down modern transportation for the second time this year, as volcanic ash-clouds endanger fragile air-plane turbines. The biggest recession since the 1930’s has arrived in the UK, but no-one really seems to give a damn; some traditional shops that were part of “British culture died”, but live goes on. There’s been one of the wettest and one of the coldest periods in England since weather records began. Cue this amazing satellite image that made it’s rounds. I am listening to PJ Harvey’s The Whores Hustle and the Hustler’s Whore, not through my headphones for a change, but through the computer speakers that my mother gave me on an extended loan and that are, mainly, usually, in the lounge for our frequent film nights.

We can’t decide on films most of the time. We use a roundabout method instead. There’s a pile of about 30 DVD’s in the lounge, with a tupper-ware style small plastic container on top containing an adequate amount of paper cut into roughly equal squares with numbers written on them then folded over. Our own random-number generator. With smaller decisions (like — do we have Pizza today or not? Who’s first to put up washing?) a simple coin flip is enough. We is P., my flat mate, and me. P.‘s an Outdoor Ed. Student, in his last year. And, incidentally, a postman, too. I feel like having some vanilla icecream.

The apartment. I’ve meant to introduce it months ago. We are in the middle of the town. There’s a photo of the view from my desk below. We are living among seagulls¹. Quite frequently one of them lands on the windowsill infront of my window. They don’t seem to be overly aware of their surroundings when landing. Only after their landing do they look up, see me, hesitate for a moment startled((These are massive birds. Their wings span extends beyond the width of my window.)) and flying off again. Just as frequently one or the other is (not very happily?) pecking at one of the cut out cardboard fishes we stuck to the lounge window (aka our aquarium). Other notable happenings include another completed headsound project. The first was an exploration of Liverpool through sound, the second a stop-motion animation (this is a rough and incomplete cut) and the third a VJing/DJing performance where we plugged in and used as many devices as we could [two laptops, a portable play station, a wii-mote, a set of digital-turntables, a light-board and a smoke machine]. We weren’t actually allowed to use the smoke-machine within FACT and set off the fire alarm during practise. There’s a fourth project in the plans for this summer.

And the rest, as they say, are photos.

View from my desk

Spraypainting Fishes for a Liverpool Studen Amnesty protest agains Shell

Justin and Julie

Well hello there! (A mannequin in some clothing shop in Liverpool.)

. It’s a tie.

1. Cue P.J. Harvey’s Seagulls track on her Uh Huh Her album.

The camera makes everyone a tourist in other people’s reality, and eventually in one’s own.

- Susan Sontag

My tele lens died. Well — at least I have the feeling it is beyond fixing now. I managed to repair the shutter when it collapsed a while back, but this is more serious. The problem is I can’t check — I haven’t found a way to access the part of the lens that I’d need to look at. Without knowing how it is constructed I’d describe it as it having broken apart — the focus ring at the back no longer moves the front part. Rather — the two have become seperate. But this is no good description and I can’t offer a better one. But I think I got one last good use out of it. All, but one, of the lenses I have have do not have modern features like auto-focus and the like. It became a bit of an extra challenge getting things in focus as the tele was already begining to fail, badly. That is I had to press the lens backwards to get it to focus (ouch, nose), and even that only worked occasionally. I am rather happy with the results, however.

On Saturday a set of free concerts in the Docks started, focusing on African Music. Liverpool-based Zimbabwan ‘Hohodza Band’, ‘Groupe Lolou’ from Senegal and ‘Oumou Sangaré’ (Mali). Here some photos in no particular order; more can be found in the gallery:

Groupe Lolou

Groupe Lolou

Hohodza Band

Hohodza Band

Oumou Sangare

Oumou Sangare

Oumou Sangare

Oumou Sangare

I don’t know. I am not motivated — the topic feels superflous. I know the general answers, but will have to fill it out with details and find actual examples & references. The usual scientific drag. And I am still listening to the eels. But I also want to finally work through my backlog of photos. I haven’t really shared any I took in Liverpool these last two and a half years with anyone. I want to pick up my writing again. It’s just … not quite there yet, and I need my blanket more often.

Thursday: A fieldtrip to a waste water plant close-by. As ever so often I am surprised by the contrast between studying Outdoor Education and the leather-seated way too posh coaches we are put in at times. We were booked in for an hour long tour, but ended up spending two hours there.

Saturday: A visit to the tate. This was with Headspace but only K. turned up. Some of William Blake’s paintings and drawings on display. As with anything about him these are focused on christian motives, exploring spirituality and — no matter what you think about these topics — very well crafted. Particularly the way background and foreground work together, his obvious keen sense of human faces and expressions. My favourites, however, are an incredible goofy Cerberus and that fascinating creature in The Six-Footed Serpent Attacking Agnolo Brunelleschi².

Illustrations by William Blake

Walking back home on my own I passed The Olive Tree, one of those general esoteric and spirituality shops that smell of holyness and that everyone (including employees) whispers in. I walked in because they had Moroccan cooking books on sale (and picked one up eventually). A good ethnic cooking book is more than just recipies but also an exploration of a different country — and this one is a particularly nice example. I’d walked in wearing my headphones, smiled briefly at the person on duty, and turned them off just in the (unlikely) case they might leak sound and upset. Not eels. Artery³ Now … if I’d only lose my anxieties about cooking in shared housing. I dislike having people watch, especially when trying new things. Which means I stick to simple, quick and what I know.

1. That is — I’ve looked for some articles yesterday night. Past midnight.
2. Image slightly enlarged. And blurry, thus
3. Bulgarian-Dutch Balkan Underground Folk Metal. Try Rubber Moon, Take it from me, Control and Electricity for the whole width of their sound and please (mostly) ignore the lyrics.

Elsewhere …

I’ve received an extension on my dissertation until March 2nd. It’ll still be tight to finish in time — it’s quite hard to co-ordinate four different people all on a different full-time course. And … well — as dissertations probably always go — it all seems incredibly mundane and not particularly useful while working on it. I’ve also got a transcript of my grades through the mail. It makes for a somewhat interesting read. My mean marks for level one and two where both at around 55%. Level 3 (up to the end of last term) is on a 71% level so far. Given it counts 3/4 for the final mark … I increased my degree classification to 67.1%. I.e. I am on a good path with room for growth. I am not that sure I can keep this up though — the whole dissertation mess up will mean I’ll be pressed for time with other assignments coming up in March. And I’ll not score high on the practicals, as in any of the previous years. Hm … .

I am off to the Lake District from this Saturday on for my Mountain Leadership Training (private arrangment, not part of Uni course), then off for a three day assessment on my Mountaineering skills with uni. Which means I’ll have to work on my dissertation in the evenings.

And meanwhile …

I’ve attended a staff training for my Student Learning Mentor post — “Magic Spelling” — which is basically a NLP approach to assist people in memorizing correct spellings of words. The fun bit … you’ll have to do a bit of “calibrating” by firing of questions and observing the person(s) eye movement for some clues on how their brain works. It’s not unlike the Voigt-Kampff test in Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep / Blade Runner.

Also … I love The eels.. The world needs more of them.

there’s a world outside
and i know ’cause i’ve heard talk
in my sweetest dream
i would go out for a walk

but i don’t think i’m ready yet
i’m not feeling up to it now
just not that steady yet
and i don’t need you telling me how

there’s some happiness
and my stone face cracks again
maybe sometime sooner or later

but i don’t think i’m ready yet
i’m not feeling up to it now
just not that steady yet
and i don’t need you telling me how

so if i leave my room
don’t you tell me to lighten up
maybe sometime sooner or later

but i don’t think i’m ready yet
i’m not feeling up to it now
just not that steady yet
and i don’t need you telling me how

And I need to hand in the “open” Mountaineering paper that ate away my time these last few days. And of course I want to yield to my own self-promise of using this journal to get some routine in my life. An entry a day or every other. The Problem: these assignments always take on a life of their own and I end up leaving home at eight in the morning and only return back home a few minutes to midnight.

I am tired of this.

Down the river, saw you drown.

But what keeps me awake now are these:

Sennheiser HD 280 pro

Wanted good headphones since a while — as I have been using the cheap library ones to get rid of of the noisy atmosphere. And well, working on soundrecordings at FACT gave me a lot of time with headphones of decent quality on. These don’t look nice. But that’s fine. They grip tight. The first hour was actually painful. Now that they made friends with my head and lost their initial factory inflexibility .….. they be wonderful and comfortable. And they keep the noise out. Meaning lower volume required to listen (around –32 db is good).

Did you know that there’s a small voice track mixed into Propellerhead’s History Repeating? “Can you hear this?”

You know it really is amazing.

I’ve finished the first mandatory part of the World-Of-Work twiddlefaddlemuck at uni. Let’s say I am carefully optimistic that some parts of that may actually prove useful. However. Myers-Briggs. Psychometric Analytics! Onehundredeleven rolleyes.

We could sing the Pope to sleep
(…)
would he take up too much room?
would he hog the blankets, too?

Good night.

Here’s a list of side effects
Practice tested
Covering every malice angle
For example you will sleep forever